Into The Misty

"The reason why men are so anxious to see themselves, instead of being content to be themselves, is that they do not really believe in their own existance." -Thomas Merton

God save us if this is even remotely true. Well I'm reading Merton again. He always makes me misty.
To question my existance creates a crisis of faith. How can one's existance be separated from the reality of the Holy One? Is not our being from him and in him? This is an old philosophical question which even St. Paul explored to some extent in Acts 17 in regards to our accountability to the Creator. A Creator who had stepped into history, felt the sting of death, faced the horror of the grave and burst forth in exquisite splendor on the third day. At least that's the way the story goes. Yes, a crisis of faith.

It begs the question of prophetic dependance/necessity. This is the Devil's doing I tell you. If I were a heretic I would say that God and the devil were in collusion. Perhaps this is the chink in the armor of the prophet. Was not Moses devestated when Pharoah did not listen to him? To make matters worse he beligerantly asked, "Who is the Lord?" What do you mean you don't know who God is? Everybody knows God, right? Everybody listens to God, right? Whatever. Damn the corruption of it all. The prophet is damned if he becomes dependent upon the one's (whoever they are) hearing. He has lost his focus, for he caresses the masses and ceases to preach to an audience of One. He is a puppet on a string, a lap dog, the "power's that be" whipping dog (I should have entitled this post: Tied to the Whipping Post, someday).

Is there any hope for the contemporary prophet whose audience is composed of consumers? He must deliver the right product in a seductive presentation. Damned, Damned; the prophet can not live in this world. As Tolkein's elves abandoned Middle Earth and sailed into the West, has the last prophet caught the last train for the coast? It is the end of an era, a new dispensation has dawned and a new age has been spawned out of the belly of the Harlot and we are her slaves.

Prophetic necessity's only salvation is in being lost to oneself. Are these not the echoes of the Christ? "He who loses his life shall save it." But for what? There is no "what." Banish the thought. There is only "WHO." And that is enough. If he is not, then none of this is real and I do not exist. It is all a grand illusion and my faith is in vain. I am vain. Vanity of vanities saith the Preacher. In HIM alone do we find that Person/Place of existance in contentment. Only in Him do these two elusive entities meet. Without Him they are lost to us, our cause is lost like the setting sun upon the twiseted spectacle of some ancient battlefield..... we are lost. All that is left is the carnage and the carrion. Into the misty and the crisis of faith. Sola Fide? -WHB

Monday, Can't Trust That Day

"Oh that I had in the desert a wayfarers' lodging place; that I might leave my people and go from them! Jeremiah 9.2

The anguish of it all. The tearful prophet, though not in tears.

Is Jeremiah the prophet without hope? His voice carries with it the weight of creation and chaos. Is that him choking on his tears or his deconstructive prayers? Jeremiah wanted to be a man of few words but the poet (Spirit) inside him wouldn't allow him to remain silent. So he spoke and the cookie crumbled. At times he hated himself, despised the day that he was born. Sometimes I wonder if Jeremiah's life was just an endless Monday.

Enter the desert. A place of solitude and therefore solace. To Jeremiah this was fantasy island. He's not asking for much, just a little cottage. Someplace out of the way from it all. "All" is of course the problem. If there were no "all" then he would have never opened his mouth (which was always bigger than he anticipated). The "cottage" is not temptation but meditation. It is poetry in pain; sacred lament. A reconfiguration of the soul on pilgrimage to a city whose builder and maker is God. The prophet is no fool. Weak, yes, but foolish, no. He is weak in that he would never go or speak for that matter were there not someone terrifying breathing down his back. Foolish, no; in that he realizes that his desert is his passion. The poet finds peace in the midst of chaos. There is an eye of the storm.

Enter the land. A parcel of property. In the midst of chaos and deconstruction God told Jeremiah to buy land. Go buy a thousand shares of Enron at $60 a pop and watch it crash to 60 cents. There is hope in absurdity, the unimaginable. Here the prophet practices in effect what he preaches. That is he preaches chaos in the hopes of recreation. Exteriorally he is a pragmatist but interiorally he is an optimist. He believes there is a sorrow that leads to repentance. And so his tears are sown in the land of his forefathers in anticipation that the land will live again. This is a mysterious God worth believing in. The God who dares to make dry bones live. Sola Fide, WHB

Spiritum Sanctum Dominum

"The Holy Spirit is indivisibly united with the Father and the Son." St. Basil of Caesarea

The Christian conondrum. "We have never heard that there is a Holy Spirit," thus spoke the disciples of Ephesus to Paul (Acts 19). Does one dare to doubt? Or is villification the inevitable outcome? Here in the desert it is not a question of, "Is there a spirit?" Those who traverse these lonely places in time become sensitive to spirits dancing in the dark. The question is therefore narrower and thus more dangerous. Here in the desert one encounters wind. Is not the Spirit "in," or "on," the wind. The Spirit is wind...... and perhaps fire.(?) [Where is Moses when you need him.] The question before us is, "Who is the Spirit"?

The wind is untameable. It has a mind of its own, and one would be wise to work with it. Though at times it is determined to push hard against you, bending forward into it only makes life worse. At times its howling will haunt you. Then at others you will be lonely, lost without it in a dry and thirsty land. Listless days can be some of the worst in the desert.

Ancient Christiandom seemed at times haunted as to the identity of the Holy Spirit. Is he the Lord? The Council of Nicea in 325 speaks affirmatively, "we believe in the Holy Spirit." They speak affirmatively, but not defensively. It is delightfully rare. I wonder if it was assumptive in nature or more cautious? Jesus of course spoke without caution. Without hesitation he proclaimed, "those who blaspheme against the Holy Spirit are unforgiven" (my translation). It begs the question if those who "speak against" the Son of Man will be forgiven, "What of the status of the Holy Spirit against whom such sins will not be forgiven?" Ancient Christianity relied heavily upon Jesus' baptismal formula in affirming the deity of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28). The First Council of Constantinople dedicated energy to this issue and determined that the Holy Spirit was "hypostasis" with the Father and the Son. In effect they are three in one (see 'to onoma' in the singular).

Shouldn't we give the council's their due? Wrestling with the questions of wandering humanity, who desparately needed to be found and led home. The atmosphere historically (politics), philosophically and religously was electric. There was a lot of tension in the air as empires crumbled and mystics and logicians fought for a foothold on the text. The pious one would say, "I would not have joined the fray." But in life and faith it is hard to quit the fight. And there is a good fight.

May it be there is wisdom in Jesus? He is very much the advocate of the Spirit. In John 15, Jesus expresses the procession of the Spirit from the Father. He becomes our strength in the absence of the Son and thus the Church is born (see Acts 2, 15). Peter without hesitation finds Ananias and Saphira guilty. "Why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit?" "You have not lied to men but to God" (Acts 5). The exegesis is profound for the text speaks plainly. The Holy Spirit is the Lord. Therein is the tension. For what becomes of the Shema? "Hear O Israel: the LORD our God is one LORD." The text says that the Holy Spirit is God. In conjunction the text implies (primarily Jesus) that the Father, Son and Spirit are "One." It is the ancient conondrum. For did not Jesus stress the importance of the Shema in Mark 12?

God is a mystery. We can not unlock him for he holds the keys. Theologians will ponticifate and mystics will elaborate on him of whom we only vaguely understand. His mind is forever beyond our grasp (his thoughts are not our thoughts) but his person is amongst us. For the logos became flesh and dwelt amongst us. And the Spirit is within us. Flesh has become the temple of God. NOW that is a paradox. God, guide me through this desert! Sola Scriptura, WHB

She Aint No Angel

"I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast, full of blasphemous names, having seven heads and ten horns. The woman was clothed in purple and scarlet, and adorned with gold and precious stones and pearls, having in her hand a gold cup full of abominations and of the unclean things of her immorality, and on her forehead a name was written, a mystery, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND OF THE ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH. And I saw the woman drunk with the blood of the saints, and with the blood of the witnesses of Jesus. When I saw her, I wondered greatly." St. John, Revelation 17.3-6

"She wears a cross around her neck."

It is one of the more horrifying scenes. The carnage of the saints. Subjected to the machinations of a decadent diva. She is dressed to kill. A mesmerizing sight. She is overwhelming at first sight. Yet a glance is all she requires, for her looks kill. She is without mercy and takes delight in inflicting pain. Do not trust her. As a deadly siren she seeks to lure us away. And if she can not "woo" the the saints she will slaughter them just the same. It would seem at least for the moment that she is the victor and we are the spoils.

One has to wonder. Is this alluring diva in disguise? Is this not an elaborate "get up?" The church in drag. Or is it only coincidntial that the body of Christ is also his bride. Ye this woman is no virgin and not privledged to wear white. Her garb is not so simple, for she errs on the side of the flamboyant, ever trying to attract attention to herself. Her adornment is that of the harlot or probably more appropraitely the temple prostitute. She is a religious hoar selling herself to anyone who will entertain her. It is a fatal attraction of the worse kind, for her ways are the ways of death. To go after her is to prepare oneself for a banquet in the grave. She feasts on one's flesh while Hell's mouth is gaping wide awaiting the souls of the demised, damned.

She is without pity, she knows no remorse. Is she not drunk? She is embarassingly filthy and yet seems unaware of it. Yet, does one dare ask the question, Has the church slept with her? Tasted her nuptual nectar only to be enslaved to her? What has it cost to drink from her putrid waters, that filthy stream. Her waters are bitter, like that of Marah. It is a pathetic aftertaste like that of a diet soda. Those who will not sleep with her, she slaughters. Those who have slept with her are slaughtered. She is the praying mantis of idolatry, the evil hoar eating the brains of her victims.

May a day dawn when the saints see more clearly. When they are content with their first love. There is a river that makes glad the city of God. Come, drink from the waters without cost. The Bride says, come. The Spirit says, come. Drink that you no longer be plagued by hunger and thirst. For the Lamb leads us to the waters of life and God wipes away every tear from our eyes.

"The cross is someone shes has not met." Sola Gracia, WHB

So Close and Yet So Far Away

"How shall they hear without a preacher?" -St. Paul

Paul's reflective discourse on the proclamation of the gospel is a contemplative response to his own confusion (frustration?) with Israel's deaf condition. The pen must have been heavy in the apostle's hand. Forced to face the reality of Israel's rejection of Christ as their Messiah.

Being as I reject the simplicity of inspiration by dictation, I anticipate these may have been words which he did not want to write. The humbled Pharisee grapples with the tension between establishing ones own righteousness versus submitting to the righteousness of God. A righteousness (all his own) that he is at times is willing to "bring up," (see Philippians 3) though it always seems to leave a bitter taste in his mouth. As if it was somehow not good enough. Paul finds solace in Moses (just like an x-pharisee to go there) in referring to Deuteronomy 30. For it is there the old prophet calls the people to "love the Lord your God." God's willingness to covenant with them and in effect make them the "covenant community" anticipated a response. A relationship if you will. To know him is to be humbled before him, to be compelled to worship him. One can not help but obey him.

Subsequently, one must be familiar with the context out of which Paul grasps the "righteousness which is of the law." Once that is understood the tension between the "righteousness which is of the law" and the "righteousness out of faith" melts away. For they are one in the same. Paul's tension is not with Torah then but with how Israel practiced Torah and to some extent what they believed about it. Or to put it another way, they believed too much in themselves.

Salvation is so close and yet so far away. This is Paul's hope/lament. The source of all Hope becomes the tool of great pain. Has the Church like Israel reduced Paul's words into a mere formula for salvation? While I will not go so far as to say it is not formulaic it is certainly far more.
The same compelling faith called for by Moses is echoed by Paul (see 10.8 "that is"). If it is reduced to the formulaic is it not the same falacious faith of Israel? A faith in one's own words versus a faith transfixed in God's word. His word of promise.

So we press on, preach on, for how shall they believe in whom they have not heard? Maybe that is our problem. Like Israel, the Church has become hard of hearing. So God reaches, to a disobedient and obstinate people. For our salvation is nearer than we imagined, he is in your mouth and in your heart (8). He is closer than you think and never far away. Sola Fide, WHB

Paradoxes

O CHANGELESS GOD,
Under the conviction of thy Spirit I learn that
the more I do, the worse I am,
the more I know, the less I know,
the more holiness I have, the more sinful I am,
the more I love, the more there is to love.
O wretched man that I am!

O Lord,
I have a wild heart,
and can not stand before thee;
I am like a bird before a man.
How little I love thy truth and ways!
I neglect prayer,
by thinking I have prayed enough and earnestly,
by knowing thou hast saved my soul.
Of all hypocrites, grant that I may not be an evangelical hyporcite,
who sins more safely because grace abounds,
who tells his lusts that Christ's blood cleanseth them,
who reasons that God cannot cast him into hell, for he is saved,
who loves evangelical preaching, churches, Christians, but lives
unholily.
My mind is a bucket without a bottom,
with no spiritual understanding,
no desire for the Lord's Day,
ever learning but never reaching the truth,
always at the gospel-well but never holding water.
My conscience is without conviction or contrition,
with nothing to repent of.
My will is without power of decision or resolution.
My heart is without affection, and full of leaks.
My memory has no retention,
so I forget easily the lessons learned,
and thy truths seep away.
Give me a broken heart that yet carries home the water of grace.

(The Valley of Vision, A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions)

Are We There Yet?

O come my people, unto me out of Sodom and Gomorra,
Egypt and Babylon; come now out of desert and the sea
unto me; the mountain follows where springs of water
or of wine, as rivers run. -Dunstan Massey

There's fire on the mountain. Our God is a consuming fire. We mignt see this if one would pause long enough to notice. Did not Moses have to "turn aside" and see this thing. A bush in flames and yet not consumed. Did Moses see himself in the fire? Consumed by fire but never perishing. Is this what we mean when one says, "he is on fire for the Lord"? I think not. One does not produce fire for God. He is fire and we are his resource if he so chooses to engulf us.

C.S. Lewis described himself as a "reluctant convert." Is this not Moses, the man on the mountain? He stopped to look and became enchanted. He never was the same again though at times he may have regretted it. A man of deep confliction who preferred the solitude of the desert and yet was offered up as a sacrifice to the masses. It became his legacy to take urban sprawl into the desert. Is it a sin to shatter the silence?

Some doors should remain unopened, rocks unturned, the quest not taken. Did Moses ever wonder if the mountain was a "bridge too far"? Moses' calling was a thing of pleasure and pain. The tail had been "pinned upon the donkey." He would go before Pharoah and lead God's people into the desert. "This shall be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall worship God on this mountain" (Ex. 3.12). I will never grasp this, the uncertainty of God's sign. "Get them here and we'll worship on this mountain". I thought signs were supposed to come before the quest began not after it has been completed? What good does that do the desert wanderer? He is forced to stare into the sacred fire. Ever the threat of consumption, be it the journey or the flame. He is a crucible......... Sola Gracia, WHB